A Letter to My Baby on His Birthday

by Nicole Lauer

My Dearest Kade,

It’s been two years since we said hello and since we had to say goodbye.
99 minutes with you was not enough time, but I thank God every day that I was given that time with you. We miss you every single day. You would be getting so big, walking around and getting into everything you set your eyes on. You would no longer be the tiny little baby I held close as I said goodbye.  It’s been two years since I looked at your perfect little face with your teeny button nose. Two years since I got to cuddle you close and admire your tiny movements (you had the longest legs! You were going to be tall like your daddy!). Two years since I got to see you wrap your little hand around the tip of my finger.  Two years since I had to let you go. I was there for your first breath and I held you close to my heart when you took your last.

Today, we remember you and we reflect on your life, no matter how small it was. I promise to visit you on your birthday and decorate your grave each year. I promise to make sure you aren’t forgotten. Your picture will hang proudly in our home forever. Your Christmas stocking will still be hung. We will always find ways to include you and we will never think twice about it. 

You are not forgotten sweet boy and you never will be. You are forever loved. You are forever missed.

Happy birthday.

I’ll love you forever,

Mommy

Nicole Lauer is a Loss Mentor for the Graham’s Foundation Preemie Parent Mentor Group.

If you need to talk and connect:
https://grahamsfoundation.org/preemie-parent-mentors/